i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
