Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A+ Viking dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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