I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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