I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
