I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
