Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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