Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
