when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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