My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
