he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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