I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
