Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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