and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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