IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You made out with two different species that night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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