i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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