he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
