i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
