You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
