Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
