so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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