Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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