dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
