My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
