none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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