It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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