Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
