maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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