I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
