This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
