Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Panties = found
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
