We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
