can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
