If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize