Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
