I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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