I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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