So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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