she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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