You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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