ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ketchup is God's man juice
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
