I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
