I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
