I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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