Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize