i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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