My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
