dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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