True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
