As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
