Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
