Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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