she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
