I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
