Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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