shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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