I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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