fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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