6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I supernannyed him into submission
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
