he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's rum buckets o'clock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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