It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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