Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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