I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
