Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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