please come you make the beer taste better
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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