1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
