So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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