I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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