If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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