thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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