Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
