mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
