My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
