i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
